Being an empath can be challenging!
If you’re an empath like me and want to make everyone happy, then I’m sure you have experienced people disrespecting you in one way or the other. I have often felt confused and even shocked at how some people just didn’t get that some things are unacceptable. How were they not considerate of my personal space, feelings and needs?
Well, not everybody is an empath unfortunately so with some people you need to set clear boundaries.
Even with the ones we care about. Them especially as they so easily cross the line.
Up until recently I just didn’t get it, but then I realized that people didn’t know my boundaries because I had never set them. I have never been clear about what is and is not acceptable for me. I have never actually verbalized it to anyone. Not even myself. No wonder they didn’t get it!
Expressing my wants and needs was always a challenge, as I never want to step on anyone’s toes and wish for everyone to be happy.
So I was always flexible about every single situation and just assuming it wasn’t even an option for me to get what I want or have someone respect me in a way that I needed.
In the past years of my personal development I started learning how to be more assertive (with kindness) and express my wants and needs in a way that was acceptable for me and clear for everyone else. Sometimes it took saying NO very clearly and insistently, if the other person wouldn’t get it. Then sticking with it no matter what. It’s not easy, but it’s doable.
If you are struggling to set clear boundaries here are some suggestions that helped me!
Before giving your answer or deciding anything, tap into your intuition and observe how it feels for you.
You don’t owe anyone anything and it is your right as a human being with free will to CHOOSE what feels right for you. Of course, be mindful of other people’s feelings too, but don’t go against yourself. It’s ok to compromise, but only if it’s acceptable for you. If not, you have no obligation to agree to anything. The choice is actually yours and nobody can nor should influence you to make that decision.
It’s ok to say NO when it doesn’t feel right.
If something doesn’t feel right, it’s ok to say no. You don’t need to justify it, explain, give arguments as to WHY you are not choosing it. Again, it is your right to do whatever feels right for you. You are a child of God, an equal to all other beings, not more not less. Same. Nobody can pressure you into doing what you don’t want. You are not being selfish for doing so, you are honoring your truth.
Useful tip for setting clear boundaries: Use a “positive sandwich” to say no in a nice way!
- Start with something nice, like “Thanks for the invite!”
- Then say NO to if you don’t want to participate, like “I won’t be able to make it this week…” (no explanation needed really – you don’t owe that to anyone if you don’t want to)
- Finish on a positive note – “…but will be in touch soon!”. It’s very neutral, simple and to the point.
STAND YOUR GROUND.
When you make your decision, stick with it! Don’t back out because you feel sorry for the person. Trust me, some will manipulate you very easily because they know you will give in. Make sure to stand your ground no matter what and repeat it again and again, if necessary (if the person doesn’t get it). You need to show people what your healthy boundaries are, so they can respect them. Some won’t want to and if they don’t that only shows they are only looking for their own personal interest, and really don’t care how that makes you feel. It can be hard, but it’s worth seeing which people truly care about your wellbeing. Those that do will have no problem honoring your truth.
Stay strong! You can do it! 🙂
Want to learn more about setting clear boundaries?
I just launched my Youtube channel and my first video is on this topic! Check it out!